You don’t necessarily HAVE to wear chapstick, but if you’ve been hyperventilating for an hour before you allow your guts to let you kiss a human, your lips and mouth will probs be dry so drink a water and put on chapstick is tip one.
Tip two is start slow. I’ve been in situations before where both parties are STOKED and also NERVOUS and it turns into a clustermouth of humans banging teeth and drooling. Which, hey, if that’s what you’re into it… AY OKAY, but a lot of people aren’t. Go slow and pay attention to what their mouth is doing. Don’t think about what you’re doing, just find places in their mouth where your mouth might fit comfortably.
When you’re using your tongue, please remember it is in the mouth of a human being. Your tongue is not a paintbrush, and the opposite mouth is not a wall which must be primed in under 20 minutes.
Make it your goal to feel every part of their mouth with yours. The rest will start to make sense.
When we started writing advice, Dannielle would always just squeal in embarrassment when it came to talking about mouths or boobs or any kind of sexitimes. Now she’s all ‘your tongue is not a paint brush.’ #proud
Instructions on kissing someone, by Kristin Russo:
1. Tell them you are going to kiss them. This breaks the proverbial ice, let’s them prepare so they don’t accidentally duck and cover or recoil in a panic and bang their head on the kitchen cabinet or whatever I don’t know where you kiss. Plus, it’s sexy. “Hey, so, I am going to kiss you now.” COME ON.
2. Kiss them on the mouth like a nice, calm human who just wants to be close to another nice, calm human. You have to start SOMEWHERE, people, so don’t attack with the force of a thousand Shanes. Just enjoy yourself for a moment and let THEM crank things up a notch.
3. Allow, respond and initiate in equal measure. Remember how I just said ‘let them crank it up a notch’? That’s you allowing the kiss-ee some room to be all OH SHIT WE ARE KISSING I LIKE THIS LET’S KISS MORE. Then youuuuuu respond and kiss back a little more which is YOU saying OH SHIT YOU’RE RIGHT WE ARE KISSING AND I TOTALLY WANT TO KISS MORE. Maybe then you initiate a different kind of kiss to change it up — maybe you are no longer thinking about this list because btw you will get to a point where you don’t need a list.
4. Breathe. Even if you are making out like the world is on fire around you, no one says you can’t pull back for a minute and be all, ‘Oh, hey.’ *winky emoji, embarrassed face emoji, dancing lady emoji* I promise that if you take a breath and look at the human whose mouth you are mashing, you will still get to kiss more, as much as you want, etc.
I think you asked for instructions on how to kiss and I accidentally gave you instructions on how to make out.
a varsity jacket but it has three arms and it’s melting
your football shoulder pads have grass growing out of them and they constantly hum
you shove nerds not into lockers, but into other planes of existence. your football is always singing, singing, singing. the astroturf changes colors beneath you, and whispers the name of every person you’ve ever loved.
i make eye contact with you. never breaking my stare i reach down and pull off my pants to reveal my skeleton legs. the pits of hell open up and swallow you whole. maybe next time u will learn to mind ur own business
remember way back in 2006 when the wii first came out and then the entirety of the world forgot how to hold onto something with a firm grasp so much that nintendo had to make a shock absorbing condom just so that tvs wouldnt get destroyed when people would end up sending this thing flying at their tvs at 900 miles per hour
If you’ve been following the story of a cosplayer found unconscious and bloody on the side of the road during comic con, you’ll be happy to know progress has been made but the investigation is ongoing.
Harbor Police arrested a 29-year-old man early Sunday morning, July 27th in a hotel at 333 West Harbor Drive. He was booked into San Diego County Jail at 11:20 am on charges of sexual contact with a minor and contributing to the delinquency of minor. The victim, a juvenile female, was transported to a hospital for evaluation and treatment. The Harbor Police Investigations Unit is handling the incident. This investigation is ongoing.
All the best to the girl and her family as she recovers.
If you have further information to help with the investigation please contact the San Diego Police Department at (619) 531-2000.